In Over my Ed
by Cielo VII
Summary: A kiss, a mistake, a foolish act of self harm, and two boys are sent spiraling toward an ever uncertain future. Only one thing remains certain: the deep-rooted love they share, even as the world seems to try everything to tear them apart. *on hiatus*
1. PRELUDE

Welcome to the revised version! Buckle your seatbelts, kiddies, 'cause you're in for a wild ride! Wheeeeeee *pukes*

IN OVER MY ED

by robot factory

WARNING: Slash. Need I say more?

**Chapter One**

It all changed that day.

A seemingly normal day and a seemingly innocent kiss with someone of the same gender.

No one would have guessed he was gay, despite the numerous comments and cracks made about the subject. Taking the matter seriously would have been unheard of, and in spite of the jokes, no one really knew he was gay. It came as a total surprise - especially to himself.

The Eds were always close friends; they did everything together and were practically brothers. Each one was different (as human beings are wont to be), and yet compatible with one another. They were... inseparable.

First there was Ed. On the outside he appeared nothing more than a "loveable oaf," a good-natured lummox whose personality stopped short there. To his friends, he was loyal, kind, and totally random. We all know someone like that. Unfortunately, his appearance and the assumptions made about him seemed to drive others away, despite his warm heart and kindness. At seventeen, he was still the tallest, strongest, oldest, and most naïve.

One of his two best friends went by the name "Eddy." To sum it up, he's a loud-mouthed, short-tempered, ne'er-do-well in the making with a Napoleon complex. His peers resent him for his tendency (in the past, anyway) to scam them out of their meager allowances all for the sake of a jawbreaker. Though money still holds a place high on his priority list, Eddy has since grown out of those nickel-in-the-pocket. He had a glint in his eyes, the future reflected back at him. He had high aspirations and high expectations and only let his friends see his true self and his true emotions, his vulnerability.

This boy had built a fortress around himself. Feeling safe inside, though he told himself otherwise, wasn't worth the loneliness it created. He knew he was missing something because his eyes were closed and his ears were covered to hide from the world. His constant cries for attention were taken as just that, and left alone.

The third part of the trio was Eddward. The odd spelling of his name (which, judging by his parents' lack of attention was probably a spelling error on his own birth certificate that they'd never caught) resulted in the nickname "Double D." Edd was quiet and reserved, polite, and chose to hide his frustration rather than express it in conspicuous tantrums. This was only one of many differences between himself and the aforementioned boy who fell in love with him.

Edd, too, felt an empty space gnawing at him deep inside. Over the years he'd learned to wear his heart on his sleeve with his friends, to open up, to stand up, and even to (secretly and subtly) "rebel" against his parents. Despite this, he felt as if each step he took was a step backwards. Lately he had come to a realization that should have been closure but had the opposite effect on the vacuum within him. Though he tried hard to push the feelings away, he could no longer deny the effect Eddy's smile had on him sometimes, and the way he studied his features.

Both boys were so preoccupied with their own confusion and denial that they continuously spiraled around one another, unconsciously recoiled from the truth that should have been plain as day.

We lie to ourselves, and lies beget lies. While Eddy solved his problem with anger, Edd could feel the toll it took on him eating him away like maggots on his flesh. One day, it would become too much for them both, and then they would be in way over their heads.

XXXXXXXXX

crap that sucked; well this was the short chapter so i hope you know that by now. rest will be longer and hopefully better. kcya


	2. Sweet Sixteen

IN OVER MY ED

**DISCLAIMER: **I don't own nor am I affiliated legally with Ed Edd n Eddy. They belong to Danny Antonucci, that lucky Canadian JERK! (At least I think he's Canadian) so the point is, this is just a fanfiction. BLEH OKS I know this is totally unrealistic, OMG who cares it's just for fun people.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **If you have previously read this chapter, just know that it's different than it was before. I replaced it with something new; though it's the same plot it's simply revised. Enjoy

**Chapter Two**

"Oh... Oh dear... where is it?"

In the halls of Peach Creek High School, Edd stood on his tiptoes and sifted through his locker while Nazz waited patiently behind him.

Just as she was about to give up, Edd gave a triumphant "Aha!" and pulled out a crumpled-looking piece of paper.

"I apologize," he said to Nazz, rubbing the back of his neck as he handed her the invitation. "It must have been bent by another book..."

Nazz giggled and took the invitation, wondering why he made such a big deal about a little wrinkle or two. "No biggie," she assured him. "Thanks for inviting me to your sweet sixteen!" In a typical Nazz fashion, she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. The contact left him with a blush, and yet he remained more composed than most boys would.

"Anytime," he said, voice cracking a bit.

Nazz walked away, giggling and waving.

Eddy was just passing her and he watched her leave, wondering what exactly everyone saw in her. _Why does she have to flirt with everyone like that?_ he thought to himself, knowing full well he only resented this behavior when directed at a certain genius.

"Eddy!"

He'd been noticed.

Eddy beamed and headed in Edd's direction, hoping he hadn't caught the look he'd given Nazz. "Hey, Sockhead, what's up?"

"Not much, Eddy. Just preparing for tonight's festivities. I can't believe I'm finally sixteen!"

Eddy smiled the way he only did around Edd, contemplating the fact that he really was younger than his friends but acted like an adult half the time.

"Yeah, and on a school day."

Edd laughed, and each quiver of his chest in the process was like an iron fist in Eddy's stomach, twisting it around and around. This may sound unpleasant, but those who have been in love know it's quite the contrary.

When he'd first become aware of these feelings, he'd been utterly confused for years. It was too girly to even think the word "love" about his friend, though it was obvious even to him that it was the precisely right word to use.

Ever since that day, all those years ago, things had been different... It was the day Kevin found out his middle name...

One day, back in the days of scams and childhood innocence (or what was left of it), the neighborhood "bully" happened to find out Eddy's middle name. The word "bully" is in quotation marks because his general personality was not that of a typical bully. He simply despised the three Eds, especially their so-called leader. The opportunity for blackmail and humiliation presented itself to the worst person possible that day, and Eddy paid the price.

"Do you want to know my middle name, Eddy?"

What difference would it make? At the end of the day, Eddy was sitting on the ground, defeated and humiliated. All the embarrassment he had just endured, however, hardly compared to the confusion swirling within him.

Why didn't he just let Kevin tell the world his middle name? He could write it in the sky by now for all he cared, because he had a far more damaging secret to keep now.

Of all the things Kevin forced him to do, one seemed out of place. He recalled Kevin's low voice: "Kiss Double D, right there in the middle of the Cul-de-sac."

Before he even heard the clause of the sentence, Eddy felt his heart pull back into a slingshot and release. KISS DOUBLE D?

Sure.

He hoped Kevin didn't notice his red face and his sweating and shaking. Paranoia showed him a knowing expression on the cruel face of his blackmailer, but a far more pressing matter was at hand.

Of course he liked Edd. No, he loved him! Even if he was straight as an arrow he would love him. Over time, however, this love had grown into a new kind of love; perhaps it had been that way all along and he was too blind to see. Eddy had always wanted him nearer than he was, had hated himself for the way he treated him, had pushed him away only because he couldn't come to terms with his feelings.

He was IN love with Edd, and it took a stupid prank for him to finally realize it.

The kiss, that day, opened his eyes. First he noticed how much he enjoyed the kiss, how sweaty his palms were, how his heart raced when his lips touched Edd's. He wanted it to last forever, to be alone with him, and it hurt like a thousand heels to the chest that he was living out such a secret fantasy masked as a pathetic piece of blackmail, for all his peers to see.

When the kiss ended, his life had taken a sharp turn without his consent. The confusion he'd been living with for so long grew at the same time it disappeared. Deep inside, he knew what these feelings meant. He was in love with his best friend, and instead of telling him or coming to terms with it, instead of kissing him again and again like he wanted to, oh, he wanted to so badly... he was forced by the pressure of those people whose opinion shouldn't have mattered to him at all - he was forced by them to continue his charade, to go off and be humiliated some more.

Could a boy even like another boy? Sure, he acted like he knew everything and more, but this topic was way out of his league. He wanted to doubt it, to shake it off, to turn around and pretend everything was the same.

Edd's hand rested on his shoulder later that day, after everyone had had their fill of laughing at Eddy. This was another moment that he realized Edd was the one for him, but that he was too far away to reach. He was too perfect for someone like Eddy.

Half of him savored the comforting touch, and the other half willed him to go away.

That moment symbolized so much for him. Edd's kindness was quickly tainted by Eddy's selfishness, his desire to cover up whatever feelings he may have had. He hated himself for that, for how cruel he was to the only person who knew him and loved him anyway.

But did he love him the same? That question was what bored into Eddy's mind. If he told Edd how he felt, would he return his feelings? This he highly doubted, but even if he didn't feel the same, Eddy wanted to tell him because he was the only one he could truly trust. Ed was pretty terrible at keeping secrets, after all.

He held himself back for years, afraid that Edd would be uncomfortable around him at the very least, despise him and never speak to him again at the most. The options were endless in his imagination...

"Eddy?"

What would he think?

"Eddy? Hello?"

Eddy suddenly snapped back into reality at the sound of his name. "Huh?"

He saw a smile of amusement gracing Edd's features as he said, leaning to be on eye level, "You disappeared for a moment there." His face softened and he asked, "Is something the matter?"

Eddy quickly covered his blank expression with a smile. "Nah, nothing. Come on, let's get to class."

He smiled as they walked in step down the hall, joined by Ed.

"You sure?" Edd asked, but Eddy didn't seem to hear.

_If he can forget it_, Eddy thought to himself, _then why can't I?_

XXXXXXXXXX

After school, the Eds headed for Edd's house to set up for the party.

"How many people do you think will be here?" Edd asked, taking inventory of the kitchen.

"Probably all twelve," Eddy said as he stuck balloons in front of Ed's mouth until they were blown up.

Edd hummed in thought and tapped a pen against the pad of paper. "No, I don't think everyone will come..." He gave his friends an odd smile. "I'm too much of a dork."

"Aw, don't say that, Double D!" Ed said, causing a balloon to go flying across the room. Eddy glared at him. "You're not a dork."

Edd gave a sad smile. "Thank you for your encouragement, Ed, but I believe my social status is quite lower than most."

"You're higher than us," Eddy remarked. He had meant it as a comfort, but it came out sounding bitter and resentful.

Edd only shrugged, looking back at the pad. "I guess so."

"You're less annoying than us," Eddy said to cheer him up. He hated to see him so insecure. He wanted to tell him how much he idolized him all of a sudden, but he was sure the statement would have the wrong effect and lead to something more.

Edd chuckled in spite of himself. "Yes, I suppose that's true."

Eddy smiled with relief.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Wow, Eddy was right on the money!" Ed stated once the party was in full swing. Sure enough, all the cul-de-sac kids were there to celebrate Edd's sixteenth birthday. Even the Kankers' presence didn't cause dwindling numbers. After all, everyone grows up sometime.

As the guests mingled, Ed, Edd, and Eddy talked in a corner.

"I can't believe you invited those Kankers," Eddy hissed, letting venom drip over the name conspicuously. He had his eye on Marie, making sure she didn't try anything. Though she didn't pose too much of a threat (jealousy never has to be rational, after all), she was prone to ruining things like this for Edd.

"Eddy, I'm surprised at you!" Edd lied. "Besides, they're not as persistant as they were in our youth. And I'm sure they hardly ever get invited to parties..."

"Ha ha, good one, Double D!" Ed thumped his friend's back incredibly hard and guffawed at what he perceived to be an insult.

Edd adjusted his hat and sighed. "They're not bothering anyone," he mumbled.

On the outside, Eddy was angry. On the inside, he was proud of Edd's kindness. _That's my Double D_...

Embarrassed by his own thoughts, Eddy turned his head away and watched the party progress.

The kids departed in small groups until only the Eds were left. Fortunately, it had been quite an uneventful evening. Edd had opened his presents, was now cleaning up wrappings and other litter, and didn't feel a year older just yet.

It was a typical birthday... for now.

Ed was falling asleep on the easy chair while Eddy sat back and watched Edd clean. He knew the neat-freak would be too engrossed to notice him, and the opportunity was not allowed to pass by.

_Messy, messy, messy..._

Edd shook his head, reaching under a table to retrieve a wadded-up paper cup.

He was placing it in the trash bag when suddenly the hair on the back of his neck stood on end.

His spine stiffened as he got to his feet and turned around. Eddy was leaning back on the couch, just _looking_ at him.

"Um... Eddy?"

"Hmm?"

He cocked his head to the side, trying to decipher the look in his friend's eyes.

"Could you help me... clean up over here?"

Eddy sat up. "Uh, yeah sure. No problem." _Crap, did he notice?_

For a while, they tidied up wordlessly without incident. As they both reached for a wad of wrapping paper, their hands touched.

Jerking away after almost three seconds of awkward stillness, Edd blushed furiously. "Uh... oh, my, I'm sor..." he cleared his throat. "Th-thank you for your help, Eddy. You can go home now, if you want."

Eddy's face fell, but he hid his disappointment quickly. Earlier he had contemplated a confession tonight, but he was starting to feel like it was, as usual, a far-fetched idea. He knew he could never find the strength to do that. Edd's eyes always bored into his heart, making it impossible to find the right words. He always ended up sounding like a jerk instead.

"Are you sure you don't need any help?"

Edd looked up at him, feeling his blush recede a little. "If you'd like to stay and help me, then by all means, do."

Eddy smiled a little, feeling strange relief. At least Edd didn't seem to _want_ him to leave, as he'd feared for a moment. "All right, I'll stay."

Edd returned the smile shyly. _Oh dear,_ he thought to himself. _I just know I'm behaving like a bumbling buffoon..._

Their hands met again by chance, and this time the touch sent them both reeling back like an electric shock. Looking up at each other from their kneeling positions, they both came to the same conclusion: _It's too much._

Edd's crush on Eddy had lately become just that: a crush. It weighed on his mind, forcing him to make assumptions, like how much Eddy would hate him if he knew his secret feelings and desires. The issue had been debated _purely_ scientifically for the past two years, nearly. Finally he'd discovered that he had deep infatuation for his best friend; these feelings were the kind that felt so right it hurt, and yet he constantly tried to deny them because he feared they would spell disaster unless they either disappeared or continued eating away at him inside.

Sure, Eddy could be a conceited fool, even a narcissistic ninny, but he was still a good friend and the chemistry between them couldn't be denied. Edd couldn't resist him anymore than he could resist the urge to breathe, to blush, to smile or cry. He was always there, giving him that winning smile that made concerns melt just like his foolish heart.

"Eddy, I..."

"Double D?" Edd's words were cut short, probably too quiet to have been heard anyway. "Can we talk?"

Edd stood up and they faced each other for a few moments, trying to gather their thoughts. Even with Edd in the room, they suddenly felt the privacy they desired and feared was at their disposal. Edd's heart pounded as he nodded and set the bag on the floor, hardly even registering how uncharacteristic this action was.

Once they were seated on the couch, Edd found enough nerve to say, "What is it, Eddy?"

"I... I need some advice."

Edd's crinkled brow softened and he smiled. "Of course. I knew something was on your mind."

Eddy smiled back, blushing slightly. "Okay, well, it's just that... I kinda have a crush on someone."

Edd's heart sank a little as he anticipated what this could mean about his options. As it's already been said, jealousy needs no rationality. "Go on."

Eddy gulped. Beads of sweat pushed through his skin as he wiped his brow conspicuously and continued. "I... I just don't know how to tell hi-uh, her. About it."

Edd tried not to look crestfallen. "Oh. Well, I'm no expert in this field, but..."

"I know," Eddy interrupted. "It's just, it's been bothering me a lot, so..."

Edd lifted his hand, but rethought rubbing Eddy's back. He knew the touch might not be such a good idea right now. He tried not to let himself be broken by the thought of Eddy loving another. He knew it happened this way in love, but it's different... it's different when it happens for real.

"I suppose you could write her a note?" Edd suggested, breaking the silence that hung in the air.

"I don't know."

Edd thought for a moment. "Who is it?"

Silence.

"Is it Nazz?"

Eddy shook his head, heart pounding. Suddenly he was regretting the conversation. Now he was trapped between coming out with the truth or lying big time to his best friend.

"Lee?"

"No..."

Edd leaned forward, eyebrow raised. "Marie?"

"No!"

"May?"

"Ew, no..."

He made a face and said quietly, checking to make sure Ed was fast asleep... "Sarah?"

"Shit, no!"

Edd held up his hands in defense, wondering if it was some popular girl in school, or possibly...

"An older woman?"

Eddy sighed heavily and covered his face with his hands as the words tumbled out. "AUGH! It's not a girl at all, okay?"

Edd's heart smashed against his ribcage. "Wh...what?"

"Listen, I... I just wanted to tell you because you seemed like the only person I could tell." It was half true, anyway.

Edd's face grew brighter. "Why, thank you, Eddy! I'm happy that you can trust me with such a fragile secret!"

"Just promise you won't tell anyone, okay?" Eddy's voice shook. He felt on the verge of tears, and he knew it must have been obvious. Holding back a wave of emotions, he added, "Not until I'm ready."

Edd's smile was sympathetic and real as he raised a hand to rest on Eddy's back. "Of course," he whispered, sympathizing completely with Eddy's dillema. Suddenly he realized the door had been opened for his own secret, but now somehow didn't seem the right time. After all, it was Eddy's confession, and he didn't want to make the moment any more (in lue of a better word) naked.

_So he is gay_, Edd found himself thinking. _Maybe now I'll have a chance with him... one he's through with this crush, that is. I wonder who...?_

Eddy smiled and turned toward his friend. "So, I guess you've figured out by now that I'm..."

Edd smiled and nodded. "You don't have to say it. And I have no problem with it whatsoever, so don't worry, all right?" His eyebrows furrowed as he watched tears shine in Eddy's eyes, which he quickly tried to blink away. "It's okay... In fact, I'm grateful..." He stopped himself just in time. He wasn't ready to admit it now! After all, Eddy was about to tell him he liked someone else... right?

"Grateful?" Eddy questioned after a pause.

"Ah, um... I'm grateful, very much so, that you came to me first."

"Oh."

There was another silence, and Eddy glanced over Edd's shoulder to see Ed fast asleep on the chair. Thankfully. Eddy wasn't willing, just yet, to let the big lug know his secret. He knew Ed would blurt out whatever was on his mind, and if this happened to cross it, he'd be done for.

"So..." Edd began. "This boy you're infatuated with... would I happen to know him?"

Eddy blushed and looked ahead again. _Oh, crap_. "Maybe."

"Well, go on, tell me! I won't bite, Eddy."

_I wish you would_. "Maybe some other time. Like, when we have more privacy."

Confused, Edd glanced over his shoulder. "What, Ed? Don't worry about him, he's sleeping. Just tell me."

Eddy raised his eyebrows, trying to wriggle out of the truth somehow. Would he rather risk everything he feared so much, or go home feeling incomplete again? "Why do you want to know so bad?"

_So I can hate him_. "I just want you to get it off your chest. You'll feel better afterwards." _Hypocrite_.

Eddy cleared his throat, strength depleting. His nerves were getting the best of him. "Actually, I feel better just telling you this. It doesn't matter who he is... he probably doesn't like me back anyway."

"Does he go to our school?"

"Yeah."

"Does he live in the cul-de-sac?"

Nod.

Edd grinned and poked Eddy, trying to relieve some of the tension. "It's Kevin, right?" He laughed at Eddy's disgusted face.

"NO!" he cried, but couldn't help snickering a little.

"Is it Jimmy, then?"

"Shut up, Double D! Gah!"

Edd laughed and poked Eddy's ribs, making him double over. "It is, isn't it!"

Eddy wasn't laughing anymore. He knew it was coming out, and he couldn't stop it. Not when he'd gotten this far.

"It's you, Double D."

Edd's smile receded and an expression of shock moved across his face. Was he really hearing this?

Silence pervaded the room. Eddy wouldn't make eye contact. Each boy could hear his own heartbeat, but not much else.

"Excuse me?"

Eddy's hand found its way to his forehead and he took a breath. "Double D, can I just say something? And... please, just hear me out."

Edd nodded slowly. "Yes, Eddy, of course. Say what you need to say." _And please say what I want to hear_.

"Well, I..." Eddy closed his eyes tightly, then let everything come out in a sudden burst. "I love you, Double D!"

Edd could only sit and listen, trying to keep himself from literally dying of shock and ruining the moment.

Eddy continued, covering his face with his hands and letting the tears pool in them as he spoke. "I've... I've loved you since the day we met. I don't know how it happened, but it's like I think about you when I shouldn't think about you, and... I mean, I have no idea what I'm saying right now, because I'm just so fucking confused..." he sobbed and took in a breath, waiting for Edd to say something. When he didn't, Eddy looked up, his face drenched in tears and beet red. Edd was just staring at him, an indecipherable look on his face.

Eddy dragged the back of his hand over his eyes and said, "Everything you do drives me crazy, and ever since I kissed you that one time, I've known I wanted to do it again, and I just keep thinking how wrong it is, but I want to be with you so bad... and I couldn't tell you, but I wanted to... I'm in love with you, and I just don't know what to do, because I just can't stop loving you..." While an infinite number of thoughts seemed to spiral in his mind, Eddy began to worry that he'd just placed a rift between himself and Edd instead of strengthening their trust and friendship. Would he ever be the same around him?

"...You love me?" Edd repeated, needing to hear the words again.

Eddy smiled unconsciously and said in a rare whisper, "Yeah, I love you, Sockhead. And I'm sorry... I'm sorry it took me so long to figure it out."

Edd's lower lip trembled. He wiped a sudden tear from his eye and and gasped. Eddy hoped and prayed he wasn't the reason, but knew he was.

"I can't believe it," Edd whispered. "All this time... you loved me?"

Edd found himself huddling against Eddy, and he lifted his head just as Eddy lowered his. Their lips made contact.

Eddy had never been kissed like this before. He had to pretend to be uncomfortable when Kevin and the others were watching that day, he had to endure kisses from the Kankers, and all those times just didn't count right now.

Suddenly Eddy found himself on his back, Edd on top. He massaged Eddy's lips with his own, smiling when he returned the favor. He wanted to show Eddy he was serious about what he'd said. A battle of dominance began, and Eddy chuckled as he pulled Edd closer, trying to turn them over. He couldn't believe the thing he'd desired secretly for so long was actually happening.

Edd felt the same way; he felt he was living a dream come true. _This only happens in stories_, he thought to himself as he wrapped his arms around Eddy's neck and pulled him up closer...

"Guys, what are you doing?"

XXXXXXXXXX

*smirk* u know u love me.


	3. I Can't Live if Living is Without You

**REVISED VERSION**

**Disclaimer**: I am but a lowly fanfiction writer. I own NOTHING!

**Chapter Three**

The pair immediately broke apart, hearing Ed's voice. They were startled out of their minds, seeing him rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. Honestly, they had forgotten he was there at all, until...

"Hey, guys, what are you doing?"

Edd moved slowly away from Eddy, but the latter acted on impulse and threw Edd off of him, sending him slamming against the arm of the couch. He gasped and looked confusedly at Eddy's face.

"Sockhead, what the fuck do you think you're doing?" he screamed. Before Edd had time to question him, he hissed, "I'm outta here, pervert."

Edd sat up and put a hand on his sore back. Why did Eddy have to throw him so _hard?_ "Eddy! What...?"

Eddy's hand shot up. "Be queer by your own fucking self."

Confusion and anger stabbed at Edd's chest. Why was he reacting like this? Ed would have found out eventually, so why?

"Come back!" was all Edd could say, in a voice hardly above a whisper.

Eddy didn't turn around. He couldn't bare to look Edd in the eyes. "I can't do this," he said. Even before he said the words, he knew they didn't belong in the moment. He knew they were a lie, something to make things easier for him. It was too early, and too late. He shook his head and walked out the door, slamming it behind him.

Ed and Edd were left in a stunned silence that rang in the air. Ed truly didn't understand what had just happened. In fact, he hadn't been awake for the kiss, just the part where Eddy seemed to snap for no reason and start yelling at their friend. All he knew was that something made Eddy angry, and that never ended well. This time, though, it was different. How, he couldn't say, but it was obvious.

He shot a confused look at Edd, who had begun to cry.

Ed gasped, "No, Double D!" He sprung up from the chair and quickly sat by Edd's side, taking him in a tight hug. "Please don't cry!"

Edd took the offer of comfort and gripped Ed's shirt with shaky hands, sobbing. Even his sharp mind couldn't wrap around what had just transpired. Did Eddy just kiss him, or was that his imagination?

No... how could he have imagined something so vividly? Even through the salty taste of his own salty tears, the flavor of Eddy's mouth lingered.

"If he really meant what he said, he wouldn't have done that!" Edd sobbed, his voice muffled. "I mean, why... why would he say he loved me, and then... then..." He shook his head, wrapping his arms around Ed's waist. His voice was broken by gasps and hiccups, making his speech incomprehensible to Ed.

Ed didn't speak. He simply loosened his grip on Edd and rubbed his back, thinking of how to make him stop crying. He rocked him back and forth, wishing his tears would stop. This wasn't a very good way to spend a birthday...

When Edd finally began to calm, he pulled away and wiped his eyes with the backs of his wrists. His chest and head tingled from so much crying. Eddy was mean to him all the time, sometimes even more than that. So why did it have such a huge effect on him this time? Why was Eddy's cruelty suddenly so... personal?

He knew why, of course. When a friend pushes you around, it somehow hurts less than someone who you believe to be _more_ than just a friend... The clarity Edd found in that beautiful kiss had turned around and bitten him. After all those things he said, it made no sense that Eddy would act that way. Edd's mind led him to believe that he hadn't been sincere at all. Was it all part of some elaborate prank? If so, why would Eddy manipulate him like that? Was Edd just kidding himself, thinking it could work?

The morbid thoughts only triggered more tears. Edd shakily covered his face with his hands and started weeping bitterly.

"Double D, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

Edd looked up through stinging eyes. "What's that, Ed?"

Ed placed a hand on Edd's back. "What happened?"

Edd could only break into heavy sobs again and say, "I don't know, Ed... I honestly don't know..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"AAAAAAAAAUUUGGGGHHHHHHH!"

Eddy swept a pile of papers off the table and kicked them across the room. Their light weight and inability to smash against the wall only angered him further.

Throwing his head back, he screamed again out of pure frustration. Had his parents been home, they probably would have called 911 by now. The kid could be scary.

Eddy kicked a chair over, its loud clatter as it smacked against the floor satiating his rage momentarily. He felt like destroying the entire house, but how many more lives could he possibly destroy? How many more people could possibly hate him?

He wanted to turn back time. That was all he wanted. He had made so many mistakes... how could he possibly not have learned from them by now? How could he possibly keep making these same mistakes that were just big enough to leave a big bruise, yet just small enough to eat at less and less people until he was the only one left suffering?

_I hate myself. I hate myself. What is wrong with me? I HATE MYSELF!_

Images of Edd's shocked expression wouldn't stop appearing before his eyes. He slammed himself down into a chair and covered his face with his hands.

_I HATE MYSELF!_

Scenes kept replaying in his mind. He couldn't stop seeing himself - was that monster even him at all? - thrusting Edd across the couch and slamming him into the back of it. Why would anyone want to hurt such a beautiful thing? Eddy knew he was as fragile as a new bird, and yet he'd treated him like an unruly dog. He felt like the scum of the earth.

_I'm the one who deserves to be hurt_, he thought to himself. _Not Double D. He was just trying to be a good friend... and I had him right there, like I'd always wanted... All he ever did was care about me and make me feel like I wasn't a piece of shit_.

He felt much worse than he had after all the things he'd done to Edd, all the times he'd taken advantage of him for no reason, all the times he'd blamed him for something, or humiliated him. All those things seemed to pile on top of him, and he could hardly imagine what he'd inflicted on Edd if it made himself feel this way. He felt lower than sea level, lower than dirt.

Edd's discouraged, frightened expression plagued his mind. He wanted to go back now and make everything better, to hold him and tell him he was sorry, he was stupid. But how could he possibly walk through that door expecting forgiveness?

"I'm so sorry," he whispered into his hands, catching tears in the spaces between his fingers. "I didn't mean to hurt you... I'm so sorry, Edd... Oh, God, I'm so sorry... please don't hate me... please don't hate me..."

Eddy looked up at the mess he'd made, knowing he'd left an even bigger one at Edd's house.

Lower than dirt.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Edd returned from the bathroom after about ten minutes, feeling empty but a little relieved. Ed waited on the couch with his ears covered; he hated the sound of people throwing up.

Edd settled into the seat beside him and pulled his hands from his ears. "It's okay," he said. "I'm all done. I suppose all that weeping made me nauseated... I... I'm sorry you had to be here for that. I'm sorry I got so upset, Ed. I don't know what came over me."

Ed smiled and touched Ed's head softly. "It's okay, Double D. We all get sick sometimes."

Smiling sadly, Edd nodded and looked over to the side. At this moment, he wished people could control the people with whom they fell in love. He wished he could control his own heart, but no amount of self-control was enough to tear him away from his feelings for Eddy. A part of him wished he could love someone like Ed instead, but another part of him was too tied to Eddy for those kinds of thoughts.

He could use some advice, and Ed was the only one he could ask. Just for the purpose of easing his mind a bit, Edd decided to talk about the dilemma. "Ed..." he began, searching for the right words. "What exactly did you see?"

"I saw Eddy acting really mad."

Edd blinked, wondering if he'd seen the kiss at all. He was afraid to ask, just in case he hadn't. "So you saw him push me?"

Ed shrugged, and the smaller boy had to conceal his sigh of relief.

"You see, Ed... Eddy and I were having a talk while you were asleep."

Ed nodded, honestly trying hard to follow.

"Well, Eddy-" He paused, wondering how he could explain the so-called relationship to Ed without revealing too much. All he could do was dance around the details. "-said a lot of nice things to me. I believe him, of course... Then we, erm, hugged, and the display of affection must have embarrassed him."

Ed raised an eyebrow. "That's all?"

Edd sighed. "Yes. I..." He glanced at the clock, rubbing his eyes. "It's getting late. You should return home before your parents become worried."

Ed understood and left Edd to wipe his eyes and wonder just what was going on.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Hello?"

"Hello, Eddy!"

Eddy sighed wearily and rubbed at his temples. He'd been hoping to hear a different voice on the other end.

"Ugh... what do you want, Ed?"

"Is Double D over there?"

"No, why the fuc... Why would he be?"

"I don't know. I wanted to check on him, but he won't answer at his house."

A pang of fear radiated through Eddy. Was he hurt? What if he was sick? What if he fell off a chair trying to reach a sticky note and killed himself?

He shook his head, trying to rid himself of these ridiculous thoughts. There was no point in worrying about Edd. He was probably just being a drama queen. They weren't on speaking terms, after all.

Eddy had even tried to talk to him that same morning. He had sat up all night practicing this romantic speech about why he did what he did, why he said those things, why he was sorry and why he should take him back, if he even had him at all. Edd had just shaken his head in that annoying way and sauntered off, refusing to listen before Eddy could even begin. Why wouldn't he just hear him out? Why did he always have to be such a stubborn little... _girl_?

"Why don't you just leave a message?"

"I did."

"Well, he's not here, okay?"

"Okay."

A minute passed, and Eddy sighed impatiently again. "I'm hanging up now."

"Bye, Eddy!"

After slamming the phone down into its cradle, Eddy covered his face with his hands and groaned. The guilt was overwhelming. Why did something as simple as gay teenage love have to be so difficult?

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Meanwhile, Edd scrubbed furiously at his hardwood floor, wishing he could do the same to his own brain. The smell of Pine-Sol usually comforted him, but today it only gave him a headache.

Even the rhythmic scrubbing of the brush and the smell of rubber gloves didn't relax him like it often did. Eddy was the center of attention, as always.

_Ring. Ring._

He sat up momentarily, then went back to his scrubbing. He knew who was on the line, and really didn't feel like talking to that particular person.

_Ring. Ring_.

After much... maybe a little _too_ much... thought, Edd had come to the conclusion that Eddy didn't give a damn about him or anyone else. Obviously he was only thinking of himself, as usual. It had felt so real, and yet... Somehow all the romantic things Eddy had said rang hollow in his mind. He refused to give them credit, focusing instead on the negative.

_Ring. Ring_.

He bit his lip and scrubbed harder, trying to resist the urge to pick up the phone. Deep down, he did want to talk to Eddy and make things better. He just couldn't find the strength.

_Ring ri..._ "Hello, you've reached the Fosters. We're not home right now, but if you'd like to leave a message containing your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you, and have a nice day!"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Eddy repressed the itch to throw the phone across the room. How many more times would he have to hear that idiotic message? Ed wasn't kidding when he said Edd wouldn't pick up the phone. He probably did fall and die.

The cord was wrapped around Eddy's hand, basically cutting of his circulation. He bit his lip and tried to think of what to say. He wanted to explain himself so badly, but his brain was scrambled.

Finally, he managed to say, "Edd, you know who this is. I just wanted to let you know I'm sorry. Can we please just talk about this? I want to explain why I acted like such a jerk, but I can't. I can't explain, because I don't know what's wrong with me. All I know is..." He paused and sighed.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tears lined Edd's eyes. The sound of Eddy's voice, the sadness that permeated it, only confused him further. All of a sudden he wanted to hold Eddy in his arms and kiss him and forgive him, but at the same time he wanted to pummel him.

The message went on: "About the other night; you know I didn't mean what I said. I've already apologized, so I don't know why you won't talk to me. I... I love you, Double D. I love you and you know it, but... you know how I am. I was just scared. Ed can't keep his mouth shut, you know?" A shallow laugh broke through the speaker. "Double D? Hello? Are you there?"

Edd sniffled and wiped his eyes. By now, he was standing before the phone. His hand traveled closer and closer to it and without realizing, he picked it up just as Eddy was making another declaration of love.

He held the phone up to his ear and parted his lips, but no sound came out. His words were dried up like a puddle in the sun. He could tell Eddy had heard him pick up, and could probably hear him breathing.

"Double D? Is that you?"

Edd swallowed and tried to say something. He wanted to say "I'm sorry" and "I love you" and "Let's just forget about everything," but instead, he lost every amount of strength he had and set the phone back down.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Eddy listened to the airy silence for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, his heart plummetted when he heard another faint click, then dead silence. "Double D?"

The message slowly sank in as he listened to the low _beep_ of the dial tone again and again.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Edd leaned his elbows on the table and tried to breathe. He had just hung up on Eddy. It may not have been the reason he thought, but he couldn't expect Eddy to understand completely. He felt tears well up in his eyes. He hated himself, but only wanted Eddy to feel as abandoned as he'd felt that night.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. Suddenly he picked up the phone and let his finger hover above the buttons. Something about Eddy's tone told him he should give it another try.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"FUCK YOU!"

Eddy shoved the table over, sending the phone toppling onto the floor. It wasn't damaged.

"AAAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!"

He picked up the phone and threw it as hard as he could. He heard glass shatter when it sailed through the kitchen. Even more outraged, he stormed into the room and saw the phone had landed in the sink. Shattered glass littered the floor from a bowl that had been knocked off the counter.

He had no idea that Edd was just a few houses away calling him and getting a disconnection tone.

Bits of glass crunched under his shoed feet as he walked through the mess to see what had become of Edd's lifeline.

His anger began to fade, replaced by familiar feelings of guilt and loneliness. He thought he could make everything better, but obviously that wasn't the case. He felt powerless, and as if he'd just destroyed the most precious part of his life.

Unconsciously, he bent down and picked up a shard of glass. He ran his thumbs up the sharp sides and then held one corner to his wrist, wondering how it would feel to press down, end it all. His heart pounded. Who would miss him?

The darkness of the blood that came out surprised him. He dragged the shard of glass down his arm, leaving a trail of red.

Dizziness came quickly, but not quickly enough.

Regret seeped through his mind. He wanted to call Edd, or at least call help, but the phone was useless.

Coherent thoughts were absent at this point. He saw a spark fly out of the sink, noticing the phone wasn't the only appliance he'd knocked into the water. Seeing the opportunity for a faster way, he plunged his hands into the warm water and prayed for anything, anything at all, to take him away from the mess he'd made.

_It's all over now_.


	4. Coming Clean

IN OVER MY ED revised version

**Importante, gente: **Hey, it's me! I have an announcement: no more super long author's notes! HA HA just kidding. Just a li'l apology for Eddy trying to commit suicide. robot factory does not condone suicide in any way shape or form So let's all just DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY k? Anyway, as I've already said numerous times, this is a slash fic. I know lots of people don't like that and they think I'm a pedophile or whatever, but just remember... they're older in this fic. Yeah that's a great excuse. Thank you, all my reviewers and readers! You humble me. Now let's get back to the story, SHALL WE? d^_^b

**Disclaimer**: Seriously, I still have to do these things? I don't think I do, but I'll still say... idon'townededdneddysobackoffa'ight?

**Chapter Four**

"Eddy?"

The name echoed in the back of his mind, seemingly very fuzzy and far away. He heard it again, closer this time...

"Eddy? Eddy? Can you hear me?"

The words became clearer and clearer until Eddy opened his eyes, slowly registering the sights, sounds, and smells that materialized around him. Dull blue, white, gray everything. EVERYTHING. The sharp scent of medicine, so strong you could bite it. A continuous beeping sound, the clicking of shoes and a cacophony of voices and activity outside.

On impulse, Eddy pushed himself up with his elbows, but a gentle hand restrained him. He looked up to see his mother's face, eyes clouded with concern and confusion. Momentarily, he saw relief flood her features as he said, "Thank heavens you're all right."

"Where am I?" he asked, though he already had a pretty good idea of the answer. The setting of a hospital was unmistakable, added to the fact that he had a splitting headache and could already feel the itchy paper-like gown giving him a rash.

"You're in the hospital, sweetheart," his mother answered in a whispery voice. "Just try and relax."

Eddy closed his eyes to block out the intense brightness coming from the ceiling. His neck was too sore to move to the side; he felt a moan vibrate in his throat, and he frowned as his mother shushed him and stroked his head. Though the process was slow, he was remembering the reason for this situation little by little, and he suddenly longed for someone else to take her place comforting him.

"Edd," he whispered, but the name was barely audible and his mother didn't seem to notice.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Edd had always wondered what it would be like if Eddy wasn't in the picture.

Once, when they were children, he feared this question would be answered. Eddy used to tell wild stories about dropping out of school (elementary school, of course) and following his brother to wherever he had just gone. Back then, their friendship was only about two years running. He really liked Eddy, as friends should. However, Ed was the one who had reached out to him first and although he developed feelings for Eddy later on, his bond with Ed was something special in and of itself. Could they fare without the third addition to the trio?

Edd was, of course, immensely relieved that Eddy ended up staying. After all, his energetic and outgoing personality mixed well with Edd's soft-spoken and introverted one. A life without him would be hard to get used to; it would be hard, period.

Since then, he'd grown attached to his short friend more and more, eventually seeing him as a necessity. He depended on him whether he liked it or not. His name was always the first one he called when frightened, and he knew why.

A few nights ago, everything changed. As he went through his daily routine the day after those fateful phone calls, Edd couldn't help but think about how he'd ignored the effect this might have on their friendship. He worried about how awkward things might be if they tried to remain "pals" and pretend that nothing was wrong? Were they past that?

Of course. He knew, by now, they were past everything but complication.

Though his heart and mind were engaged in battle, Edd chose to ignore the matter at hand and contemplate the future his paranoia depicted. Even though Ed got pushed around by Eddy just as much as he did, the two were close friends because they had grown up together since birth. In fact, Edd happened to know that their mothers gave them similar names before they were born on purpose. With that said, if Ed was forced to choose sides, wouldn't he most likely stay with the one he'd known longer? No matter how much credit he was given, this was the most likely case and it was beginning to wear on the boy who had now scrubbed the floor tiles so hard they were getting raw.

Edd was, however, grateful for the silence that followed his "rejection" (if such a word is appropriate) of Eddy. The morning was quiet and uneventful, something he'd craved for a long time. He had awoken to the sound of rustling bedsheets and found himself overcome with loneliness, then with a strange sort of relief. He hated to admit it, but yes; a nice, quiet day by himself was sorely needed right now.

_Yes, that's right. Silence. Wonderful, perfect silence. Silence is golden._

Sometimes Edd could slip a lie through. It was especially easy when he lied to himself. He always seemed to trust himself and believe.

Coffee break time.

Although the peaceful day had calmed him at first, Edd was starting the habit of glancing at the phone every once in a while. He found himself gritting his teeth unconsciously to appease his unmoving form.

Sometimes Edd had trouble sitting still for long periods of time. This was probably because he usually didn't have to...

Just as he was finishing off the last sip of coffee, the part that tastes like mud, the phone rang through his head like a banshee's scream. He fumbled with the cup, but it ended up shattering on the floor. A quite calming sound, actually.

Rather than picking up the phone, Edd stared at it with wide-eyed apprehension as if the voice on the other side was none other than the Dark Prince himself. He couldn't put his finger on it, but the sound he'd been waiting to hear (secretly) all day had sent a stab of fear through his gut. It was an instinctive feeling, as if something just wasn't right.

Shaking his head to show his indifference to the person he _really_ believed, and wanted to be, the caller, he walked across the glass-covered floor to retrieve a broom and dustpan.

He wished he could mend the cup just so he could break it against the wall and hear that sound one more time.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"All I want to know is _why_, sweetheart!"

Eddy sighed irritably. "I don't know, okay? Look, it's just... _weird_ talking to you about this, so can we just drop it? I've already said, I'm not suicidal! I was just being stupid, I won't do it again. All right? I promise."

There was a pause. "But why, Eddy?"

"Mom, SHUT UP!"

Someone with a quieter son would have had a different reaction. The woman simply sighed and sat back, feeling defeated. "Okay, I'll drop the subject," she lied, staring at her white-knuckled hands. "It's just that... your father and I are very upset."

"Yeah, I know, but there's really nothing to worry about. I'm fine, really." He smiled to prove his point, but could literally feel it fail to reach his eyes.

"But how could you be fine? Don't you realize you just tried to-"

She was interrupted with Eddy's scream: "Of course I do, Mom!" He tried to glare at her, but tears were forming in his angry eyes, making him look like a frustrated child. "Of course I realize! I was there, for fuck's sake!"

He covered his face with his hands momentarily, then continued, avoiding eye contact by staring straight ahead.

"It was just... something stupid that happened. I didn't mean it... I didn't really want to die. It's not like you think. I was just really upset, because... it's hard to... explain..."

Sniffling hard, he began wiping his tears away and wishing his mother would touch him comfortingly again, though he knew he'd only slap her hand away if she did.

That reminded him of something.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, though the apology wasn't directed at her. "Just don't worry."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

_Why must Eddy be so persistent?_

Edd sighed as he swept up what was left of the coffee cup that once belonged to his father. He'd never notice it was missing.

The sound of the phone ringing grated at his heart. This was only the second time, but the guilt that settled within him made it seem like the hundredth.

What was the point, sitting here and ignoring him? All that stuff about friendship... it really mattered to Edd. To all of them. Maybe they could get past it if they really tried. Cleaning always gave him rational answers.

He let the broom hit the linoleum with a clang as he finally arose to answer the shrill call.

"Double D's house. Double D speaking."

After a pause, the confidence and anticipation began to fade from his eyes. "Ed? Is that you?" The heavy feeling returned with a vengeance.

"Ed, what's the matter?" His heart pounded as he recognized the muffled sound of his friend crying. "Ed? Ed, answer me." Hypocrite.

"D-Double D," Ed managed. "Eddy... he... he..."

Edd frowned, standing upright from his leaning position. "Eddy? What is it, what did he say to you?"

"Double D, I'm scared..."

"Ohhh, Ed, stop crying. It's all okay. Just calmly tell me what's going on. Do you want me to come over?"

Twirling the cord around his finger, a concerned look overlapped his hard expression. When he finally got a response, it wasn't the one he'd expected.

"You need to come to the hospital, Double D. Everyone's here. Eddy... he's hurt."

For a moment, he was numb. When the information finally settled in, Edd's mind ran through a million scenarios and he could hardly find the sense to speak.

"Okay," was all he said before hanging up the phone, lightly, with hardly a sound.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I can't believe they're only letting immediate family visit."

Kevin sighed at Nazz's comment. "Why do you care?"

Nazz was looking at her nails with a wrinkle on her brow. "I'm just really worried about Eddy. I mean, I want to know how he's feeling. When something traumatic happens, you're supposed to talk about it, you know? I learned that in psychology. If Eddy won't talk about it, it's only going to get worse."

"So, what is there to talk about?" Kevin looked around to make sure no one in Eddy family was around. Even he knew what he was about to say was insensitive. "He just got in some stupid accident, right?"

Nazz shot him a glare. "What are you talking about, Kevin? Didn't you hear what really happened?"

He shrugged and returned to his position leaning back against the chair. "Like I give."

Knowing it wouldn't be wise to shout, "He tried to commit suicide!", Nazz instead chose to walk off in a huff and join the others.

Seeing Ed sitting alone, head lowered, tore at her heartstrings. She took a seat by his side and leaned over to get a look at his face.

"Hey, big guy," she said softly. "You okay?"

Ed nodded slowly, staring at an object encased in his big hands. "Double D's not coming," he mumbled.

Nazz looked at him sideways, wondering what he meant. "Why not?" she asked. "Did you call him?"

Ed nodded, then showed her the cell phone in his hands. "I think he's mad at Eddy. Something really weird is going on, and..." he wiped at his eyes, then said through his tears, "...I don't like it."

Nazz smiled softly. "Hey, it's okay. I heard the doctors saying Eddy's going to be all right. Okay? So let's not get upset."

Ed scratched his head and tried not to make eye contact with Nazz. Tears were stinging in his eyes, but he pretended not to notice. "Everyone says he got hurt by accident, but I don't think they're telling me everything," he confessed. "I just don't feel good about this..."

Nazz blinked. Maybe she wasn't the only one who knew after all. Being nextdoor to Eddy's house, she had gotten enough details to know the truth while standing in the lawn, watching and listening to the paramedics and police officers having hushed conversations.

"He'll be okay, Ed, with friends like you two."

Ed smiled, wiping at his eyes. "Thanks. I hope so."

Meanwhile, Eddy and his mother sat in silence. As he took in his more immediate surroundings, Eddy noticed some flowers on the bedside table. Though he knew they were from his parents, he allowed his mind to picture a small card sticking out of them, between the fragrant petals, addressing it to him from Edd.

He figured he and Ed were probably waiting outside by now, but only one visitor was allowed to see him at once. A dumb rule, honestly. He wished he could be with his two friends right now more than anything.

Somehow, Eddy had the feeling his suicide attempt had done the job. How could Edd possibly give him the cold shoulder in this condition? He didn't have the cruelty to abandon a friend in his time of need.

Right?

"So," his mother said, breaking the silence. "Are you ready to talk now?"

He glanced at her, his bandaged arms behind his head in a relaxing position. His eyebrows raised, but he really wished she hadn't said anything at all.

"Are you ready?" she repeated.

His answer was a simple shake of the head.

"Eddy, please! I'm your mother. You can talk to me about anything!"

"Well, not this."

He heard her sigh deeply but refused to acknowledge it. "Now you know that's not true. And you're going to talk about it eventually whether you like it or not; either here with me or with a psychologist."

"I don't need to see some crackpot shrink, okay?"

"Maybe you don't think so now, but-"

"Look, Mom, I told you! I'm not talking to some quack _or_ you about anything! It's awkward, okay? It's weird!"

She smiled then. "If it's about sex, you don't have to be embarrassed around me."

Eddy made a disgusted face and turned away. "Great. Thanks a load."

Outside, Ed continued cradling the cell phone in his hands, wishing it would ring or the doors beside him would open and reveal his friend. All he wanted was for Edd to _be_ there, even if they couldn't see Eddy just yet. He simply needed to know that everything was okay between them, because he knew when something wasn't right. He had intuition like no one would believe. He knew, from the start, that there was something going on between Eddy and Edd and he wanted to know what. Being left out of the loop was nothing compared to the fear of their trio breaking apart because of some argument.

Nazz reached over for his hand, but he pulled away shyly. She turned to face ahead.

Neither one said a word. While his two friends fought each other, Ed was fighting a battle of his own. As he simply attempted to put the pieces together and figure it all out, his ideas only grew more vague.

"What really happened?"

Though she was surprised to hear the quiet question from beside her, Nazz quickly found her answer and decided not to beat around the bush. What would hiding the truth accomplish in a situation like this?

"It was on purpose, that's all," she said.

She was properly surprised when Ed replied, "I didn't think so."

He smiled unsteadily as a single tear rolled down his cheek. Nazz, who had never seen Ed's serious side before, was heartbroken. Suddenly she found herself angry at Eddy and Edd for their selfishness.

"Don't cry," she begged. "I'm sure Eddy's going to be okay. You can work this out, together."

He nodded, but his chin continued to tremble. "I wish Double D was here."

Nazz's forehead wrinkled. Where was he? "I'm sure he's just not ready for this," she said, more to herself than Ed.

"I don't know," he answered. "Him and Eddy are really good friends. I think they like each other a whole lot."

"Well, of course they do."

Ed sighed. "But... I think they're mad at each other."

"All friends fight, Ed. And I'm sure they'll make up now that all this has happened."

He could only nod, wiping his nose on his sleeve and staring ahead. It was strange, the way Nazz was reminding him of Double D. He smiled at her, saying, "You're right. Yeah!"

Nazz smiled and patted his shoulder. "I know it's just confusing."

Eddy drew in a deep breath, already used to the smell of medicine and rubber gloves.

Another long silence was penetrating the room. Eddy had closed his eyes, but they kept opening again on their own accord. It was too bright in the room to sleep. Also, thoughts were running rampant through his mind.

"I'm not going to keep asking you to talk to me," his mother said.

_Then why did you say anything at all?_

"I just want to know why on Earth you thought that was your only option."

Eddy growled. "Mom, can't you see I'm trying to sleep here?"

"I know, it's just that... Eddy, you're my son. I worry about you easily. Of course this experience has left me absolutely terrified. All I want to know is..."

"Why? Is that is?"

She sighed, a common sound for the room today. "I can wait. I'm a mom, it's what I do."

"And you're going to keep bringing it up, am I right?"

She hadn't realized how furrowed her brow was until it softened as she smiled. "Probably."

"You're just like him," Eddy mumbled to himself.

"What was that?"

Eddy glanced at her as if just noticing her presence. "Nothing. Forget it."

He moved his injured arms to his sides, wincing, and simply stared ahead at the wall. His bed had been moved to an upright position earlier. He pressed the button on the railing of the bed and moved it forward a little more.

"Don't play with that, honey," his mother chided gently, pushing his thumb away from the button. "I think one of those may be a call button. You wouldn't want to disturb the doctor while he's busy."

Eddy stared back at her with a blank expression. That reminded him of something, too.

"Oh, by the way, I called Matthew a few hours ago," she said, hoping to lighten him up with the mention of his brother. "He's coming to see us. I think his plane arrives tomorrow..."

Eddy blinked. "I'm gay."


	5. I Only Feel Safe With You

**IN OVER MY ED**

**Disclaimer: **I. own. this. show. not. I. own. it. not.

**Chapter Five**

Eddy lay in the hospital bed and stared up at the ceiling, wondering if he felt terrified or satisfied by his declaration.

There were elements of both.

The look on his mother's face when she stood up and slowly left the room - what was it? Denial? Shock? Disgust?

There were elements of all three.

Thinking back, he realized he had never heard his parents speak out against homosexuality. It wasn't as if the topic was a very common one in his household, but he was sure he'd always been discouraged from having prejudices or treating different people poorly. At the same time, he realized they didn't really have to say anything to make it clear this behavior wasn't welcome. Otherwise, he probably would have talked to one of them - just talked, just brought it up to see what the reaction would be.

His parents had expectations for him, and none of them involved his settling down with another guy.

Gradually, he came back to his senses, ridding himself of the zombie-like state his mother had reflected onto him. Satisfaction was definitely there... a little fear, of course... confusion, sure. His heart and head felt pleasantly light, but something within his stomach churned at the subconscious realization that eventually he would have to face his parents again and bare the consequences of his confession.

"I'm gay," he whispered to the ceiling. His stomach unknotted slightly, his head beginning to feel weightless altogether.

"I'm gay." He smiled. His whole body felt weightless now. Who knew it could feel so good to say two simple words?

Suddenly, he was thrust back into his rational thoughts. He was sure that outside his door was Edd, even more torn up inside than he was.

He knew he was selfish, but Edd loved him anyway, didn't he? It made absolutely no sense, but at the same time, it made perfect sense. He was starting to remember why he had done this immature and harmful act in the first place. It was because he feared a life without Edd by his side. He would have sacrificed everything - his declaration, the kiss, _everything_ - if it meant he wouldn't have to see that sad look in Edd's eyes, to see him turn around and walk away.

Eddy's heart was filled with regrets. He wanted nothing more than to turn back time and seal the gash in his wrist, dry the tears from Edd's eyes.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When Edd reached the hospital, he didn't run in and embrace Eddy like he had originally planned. Suddenly his wish to run inside and heal Eddy with his love seemed foolish and romantic. He still wasn't sure what had happened, but he wasn't naïve. He knew Eddy, how reckless he could be, and he also knew this entire ordeal could have been avoided if he, himself, had been less stubborn and more willing to forgive.

"No," he whispered aloud, feeling the familiar sting in the back of his throat. "Stop it, Eddward." He refused to let Eddy see him cry, not now.

His fingers drummed on the steering wheel as a new worry came to mind. He couldn't believe what he had just done!

"I'm a thief," he said to himself, voice sounding hollow in the otherwise empty vehicle. "I'm a carjacker! A common thug!"

Fortunately he had obeyed all traffic laws while driving his parents' car, despite the adrenaline rushing through his being. But what if there had been a checkpoint? All he had was a learner's permit. What if a brake light was out and he got pulled over? He could probably say his mother was passed out in the backseat, but that probably wouldn't fly if the officer didn't believe in invisible people.

"Ha ha ha, I'm losing my mind," he muttered to himself.

_Breathe, in through the nose, out through the mouth... That's it..._

Tears threatened as he felt his lower lip tremble. He bit it, hard, and pressed a hand against his chest to stop the constriction. _No, I won't cry! I won't give him the satisfaction!_

Edd shook his head, trying to make sense of the situation. Once his heart was relatively calm, it would only speed up again. He told himself his parents would never know he "borrowed" their spare car, they barely drove it anyway. He told himself Eddy had probably just slipped and fallen, he probably hadn't done something STUPID and IRRATIONAL and HURTFUL...

_He's hurt me so much, why should I even care? No, that's a stupid question, he's my friend... It doesn't matter what he's done, I've always understood him... I think... He's always hurt me, but it's not his fault... It's just who he is, he puts up walls, but he's really a good person..._

Edd finally let out a sob. He felt as if he were trying to convince himself, like he was his own parent, that Eddy was a suitable partner. Somehow the events a few days ago felt far away. He hoped Eddy still felt the way he'd claimed that night, because he knew his own feelings hadn't changed and probably never would. If this was Eddy's way of telling him it was over, then what would he do? How could he move on? Would time really heal them, or did he have to make an effort of his own?

"Yes, I love him," he answered no one in particular, as if someone had just questioned his motives. "Of course I do... I love him so much..." He folded his hands and prayed for the first time since he could remember. "God, please be with me... I need to be strong right now... I'm just so confused..."

Suddenly, he opened his eyes and looked around at cars parking and pulling out. He took in a deep breath and sighed it out. Something was pushing him forward now, and if he didn't heed the feeling he would only cause more regrets.

For a while Edd simply sat and gathered himself, waiting for his face to clear up. When he looked at his reflection in the rearview mirror, he saw how small he looked behind the wheel of that car. He knew it was because Eddy was in there somewhere, needing him, when it was usually the other way around.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Eddy's father glanced up to see his wife walking slowly toward her chair. He lifted her purse so she could sit, but she paused instead and simply stood still.

"Honey?" he said. "What's wrong? Did the doctors say when..."

"We're leaving."

He was taken off guard by this statement. "But what about-"

"Come on, let's go. Let's get going."

"But why? What... what's wrong? Did something happen? Is he-"

His wife interrupted him once again, her face seeming to twitch a bit as she held back an onslaught of emotions. "No. Everything's... _fine_. I just think it's time we left for the night."

Her husband's face softened. _Obviously this is all too much for her_, he thought. "All right; if you say so. Come on, dear."

Ed watched them leave and before he could wonder about the strange behavior, he saw something that filled his heart with relief.

"Double D!"

Edd lifted his eyes to see his tall friend rising from his seat. They were both still for a moment, Edd looking surprised like he'd forgotten Ed would be there at all. In truth, he had. He had forgotten that there were other people in the world besides Eddy and himself as he walked through those doors. Seeing Ed gave him a dose of reality, and hope.

He hardly remembered taking those steps that brought him into Ed's embrace, but there he was, and he found himself wrapped in his friend's arms, registering sounds around him and hoping this was the bridge that would lead him to where Eddy was.

"Oh, Ed," he whispered, fighting back more tears. "Ed... I'm so sorry... for everything..."

Ed wasn't sure why he was apologizing, but he pushed Edd away when he remembered his earlier concern.

"Double D, I think something might be wrong with Eddy!"

Edd's head cocked to the side. "What do you mean?" he asked.

"His mom just left looking really upset," he explained, making Edd's heart skip a beat. "I think something might be wrong. I think-"

Before he could finish his sentence, Ed watched as Edd broke away and ran down the hall, hoping the situation wasn't more serious than he had earlier anticipated.

"Excuse me!" he cried, trying to get someone attention. White coats drifted by, faces gave him strange looks, but no one seemed to know how to help him. "Where's Eddy?" he asked, but the doctor he'd grabbed simply tore himself away and walked the opposite direction.

He began the gut-wrenching task of rushing through the halls looking through windows, only to see that Eddy was nowhere to be found. He peeked into doors, every time getting his hopes up and feeling them shatter on the floor...

Eddy, meanwhile, had given up on his mother coming back to see him. _She probably never wants to see me again_, he thought to himself.

He was wondering now if his confession was such a good idea. If he'd thought about it a little harder, maybe he would have kept it to himself, no matter how unhealthy it may have become. Of course, that applied to lots of things he'd done lately.

Having time to think also brought him to the realization, which should have been obvious, that he was nothing more than an immature, attention-craving brat who didn't deserve all the love that Edd showered on him, all the patience and understanding he'd been shown. He felt that this failed suicide attempt was more of a victory than anything; if he had, as they say, "succeeded," he could really never go back. At least the fact that he was alive meant something, and hopefully it meant he had another chance at making things right with Edd.

As he lay in the silent room, he couldn't help but let his mind wander over scenarios with Edd. What would he think of him when he came back? Would he hate him? Would he want to renew their friendship? Would they... continue where they left off?

His smile was replaced then by a look of worry. His outlook told him he might as well make the best of the situation, but it asked him exactly how that would be possible if Edd refused to take him back.

_I need sleep._

The silence in the room only made him more aware of his own loneliness, and of the stinging sensation in his arm and hands.

Was it rational to expect forgiveness at all? This had to be the most selfish, irresponsible thing he'd ever done, and at this point he'd take a shrill lecture from Edd over this suffocating silence any day.

It would be enough just to hear his voice, just to know he was near.

"EDDY!"

He jumped at the sound of his name and turned to face the doorway, where stood a trembling, panting teenage boy with tears running down his cheeks. Something unrecognizable sparked in his eye when he saw Eddy alive and well.

Eddy blinked, and they stared at each other. He wasn't sure what to expect, but it certainly wasn't what happened. He certainly didn't expect Edd to fall back against the wall and sob like a pathetic little girl.

The door closed quietly by Edd's shaking hand. His eyes were red and his face was drenched like he'd been crying all day, though truthfully the tears had just won their victory.

"Double D..." Eddy answered, not knowing what else to say. What else was there to say?

He watched as his friend got to his feet and walked to the side of the bed, looking like each step was a mound of broken glass. He leaned over suddenly and gripped Eddy's arm, saying, "Thank goodness."

Eddy opened his mouth to speak, but stopped himself as Edd crawled into the bed beside him. It was a bold move, but Eddy scooted to the side to let him in, just as he'd anticipated when the thought crossed his mind in that split second.

He maneuvered his arm around the IV and draped it over Eddy's chest, positioning himself and burying his face into the paper-thin fabric covering Eddy's shoulder.

Eddy had wanted to see him so badly he had to hold back tears of joy. He moved his arm underneath Edd and rested it beside him, stroking his head from the back and waiting for him to speak.

Just to break the silence, to make sure he wasn't dreaming, Eddy whispered, "I'm sorry, Edd. I'm really-" He was cut off by Edd grabbing his face and turning it towards his own for a chaste kiss. He then blushed furiously as if he shouldn't have done that, but Eddy only smiled and nuzzled his head.

"You're fucking stupid," Edd whispered.


	6. Figuring it Out

**BEFORE YOU READ THIS CHAPTER... PLEASE GO BACK AND RE-READ THE FIRST ONES! I know, I feel like I'm assigning homework or something, but I just spent a long time revising all the chapters, filling up holes and (hopefully) fixing mistakes and poor writing I'd doled out THREE LONG YEARS AGO. I can't believe this fic is 3 years old, it doesn't seem that way. All I know is it started out as an epic fail, and I apologize to everyone for how slowly the plot has moved along. Things will go faster from now on and the pace might seem weird, but just try to ignore it and enjoy. Thanks for all your support! My wonderful reviews keep me going on this story, so keep it up! THANKS AGAIN!**

Yayz, it's my first chapter of this story I've written since I started college! Woop de doo! Honestly I don't know how this will all pan out, so it's a little improvised, but at least the first big conflict is pretty much over. What next? Well, plenty is available for the taking. After all, I pretty much always make the Eds' parents total jerks.

By the way, this story has yaoi. Sorry, world.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Ed Edd n Eddy (that's right, nothing original, just getting it over with.)

**Chapter Six**

The lights above the bed buzzed a flourescent white and sent a paling glow over Edd's face.

For about half an hour, he and Eddy remained silent, simply soaking in the fact that they were finally together. Eddy closed his eyes and listened to his friend breathe, trying to match the rhythm with his own. Edd's breaths cast warmth onto his cheek as they lay together, hands intertwined.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Edd asked quietly.

Eddy was silent for a moment, then muttered, "Sure."

He was a little disappointed when Edd shifted his position, sitting up beside him. Even though he stayed close, Eddy felt a bit of emptiness without the previous moment's embrace.

When Edd reached down to hold his hand, Eddy took a look at the damage he'd done. His right hand, now gripped by Edd's small fingers, was partially wrapped in gauze and felt a little tender. His left hand, resting across his stomach, was the same way, but the arm to which it was attached throbbed and stung from the wound he'd inflicted upon himself. He could see where the IV was stuck below the gauze and wondered exactly how much more blood he could have drained before it was too late, if his parents hadn't found him when they did.

"Eddy?"

The voice broke him out of his thoughts, and reminded him of the so-called reasons he had for these things in the first place.

Eddy turned his head away, mouth suddenly dry. Edd seemed to be waiting patiently, stroking his hand and hoping a nurse didn't barge in and make him leave.

"It's like you said," he admitted. "I'm just stupid. I didn't know what I was doing, and I don't know what I'm doing now. I'm just... _really_, _really_ sorry, Double D. I'm sorry for everything I did, and I want us to get past it, because I need you right now."

To be honest, Edd wasn't sure how long it would take for him to completely forgive Eddy for the way he'd made him feel. It wasn't just about that night, but about the way he'd made him fall in love with him, the way he confused him and teased him, and even the petty arguments they'd had in years past. Now, hearing his cracking voice and seeing the tears pour down his flushed cheeks as he was powerless to wipe them away with his tired arm, Edd could see that forgiving him would be easier than he'd imagined before.

Seeing Eddy in this vulnerable state reminded him of why he always overlooked those things. He was a human, he was weak, and he never admitted when he needed help.

On reflex, Edd leaned down and captured him in a hug, holding his face to his chest and shushing his cries. "I'm here," he whispered. "I'm going to get you through this."

Eddy's weak hand clutched at the boy's back, tugging at the fabric of his shirt. If he'd known this would happen later on, the anticipation he had felt all day would be of a different sort.

When Edd finally pulled away, he realized it was his turn to apologize. "I'm sorry, too," he said quickly. "I never would have acted so cold if I'd known this would happen." He wiped a tear from his own eye before continuing. "I just hope you know how relieved I am to see that you're okay, no matter what's happened. I was really scared, you know..."

Eddy felt a pang of guilt. "I know. I'm sorry..."

"No, don't be," Edd whispered, shaking his head. "No more apologies, okay?"

Eddy nodded and smiled as the boy beside him curled up on his side, letting Eddy's hand rest on his face. "I thought you would be mad at me," he said.

"I thought you'd be mat at me too," Eddy returned.

"I was," Edd admitted, "but not as much as I'd let on. I don't know why I acted so foolish, Eddy."

"Me neither. I didn't want to die, you know? I just wanted to... I don't even know..."

"Teach me a lesson?" Edd finished for him, staring at his bandaged hands. "I don't even think I've learned one at all, other than not to push you too far over the edge."

Eddy sighed, still unable to let go of the regret that tugged at his heart. "Don't say that," he whispered. "I'll never do something like this again, ever."

"Promise me." Edd's eyes were suddenly filled with seriousness as he bored them into Eddy's.

"I promise."

It hadn't taken Edd long to figure out what had happened. He saw the concealed gash on Eddy's wrist and inferred from his words that this was a suicide attempt. The conflicting emotions of relief and anger twisted inside him, but all he could feel at the moment was his own heart thumping, his head swimming, all the natural reactions to Eddy's closeness.

Before he realized what he was doing, Edd had leaned his head forward and planted a moist, tender kiss on Eddy's heated cheek. The action gained a surprised response, but only gave Eddy more confidence.

"Do you still love me?" he asked.

Edd bit his lips and closed his eyes, waiting for his heart to finish flipping before he answered, "Of course I love you, Eddy. I love you so much it hurts."

Just as they were about to share another tender kiss, this time on the mouth, Edd's earlier apprehension was realized. A nurse banged the door open and shouted, "Hey! Who are you?"

Edd flinched like a frightened cat and sat up on the bed. "Um..."

"Immediate family only!" she informed him, as if it were posted on a sign somewhere.

Edd quickly got off the bed and smoothed the sheets on reflex, knowing he'd probably be crossing the line even more if he remained there. Nonetheless, he forced himself to ask, "Can I please stay? Just a little while longer, please?"

The nurse didn't seem impressed with his desparation, but she couldn't resist the pleading look in his eyes.

"Stay off the bed," she commanded him before clicking away.

At this point, the two had to laugh when their eyes met.

"She couldn't resist your charm," Eddy said playfully. "Guess I've rubbed off on you after all."

Edd walked over to his other side and kissed him without warning. "Don't remind me."

"Fuck, that's cheesy."

"You know you like it."

Although he'd promised to stay off the bed, Eddy leaned over and rested his head in his arms on Eddy's pillow. "Let's start over," he said, noting how much better he felt when they weren't on the pressing subject at hand. "Let's just start from the beginning."

Eddy smiled and nuzzled Edd's hat. He smelled of soap, spices, and some unrecognizable element that belonged only to him. "No," he breathed. "Let's just go from here and call it a day."

Edd nodded. "You're not as stupid as you act," he said.

"And you're more stupid than you act."

He was relieved to hear a laugh emit from the pile of arm, head, and pillow that was Edd. He let out a sigh, feeling tired and lightheaded.

A few moments later, there was a knock at the door. Edd looked up quickly, expecting to see the nurse again, ready this time to toss him out the door for endaring the sensitive patient. He was surprised to see Ed instead, peeking timidly through the doorframe.

"Ed?"

Eddy turned his head to the side, a surprised look on his face as if he'd forgotten all about Ed, and everyone else who existed outside himself and Double D.

"Are you okay, Eddy?" was all Edd said from his position outside.

"Come on in," Edd told him, waving him over.

He shook his head. "Only one visitor at a time."

Edd smiled a half-smile. Something about Ed's presence made the situation less awkward, believe it or not. Perhaps being a trio once more before they had to deal with their personal problems would act as clarity and closure.

"It's okay, Ed, you can come in," he assured him. "It's no problem, I'm sure."

Ed didn't seem to need any more encouragement. He walked straight to Edd's side and squeezed into the chair beside him, then simply stared at his hands with a sad look on his face.

"I'm fine," Eddy answered his earlier question. "Really, I'm okay. Don't look like that, Lumpy. Come on."

Edd rubbed his hand up and down Ed's back. "Everything's okay."

When Ed glanced at their two faces he felt a flood of relief wash over him. A smile found its way to his lips and he hugged Edd close, then carefully did the same to Eddy. No words needed to be said, but they all knew that long day was finally over.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The news of his upcoming discharge should have been what Eddy wanted to hear, but instead it filled him with dread.

It had only been two days and he was already going home. All he needed was a few signatures.

Edd waited for him outside in the waiting room, watching his parents sign forms and talk in hushed voices with the doctor. He had never noticed how old Eddy's mother looked. In fact, she seemed to be deeply bothered by something, but that was understandable in her situation.

Edd had been properly surprised when Eddy informed him that his parents were not, in fact, taking him home that day. When he heard the excuse that they wanted Eddy's brother to get him instead, he couldn't help but wonder if there was more to it than that. Normally it wouldn't seem so strange, but there was something about the way Eddy said it that left him feeling unsettled.

Call it intuition.

Once he was allowed to see Eddy, he sat at his usual spot and leaned down for a kiss.

"I have a question," Eddy said as soon as their lips were apart.

"Hmm?"

"Are we, like... dating now?"

The question was relative but still caused Edd a little puzzlement. "Do you want to be?"

"Of course."

"Then yes."

"But it's a secret, right?"

"Of course."

Eddy nodded, but the tone of his voice was unmistakable. Edd could tell something was bothering him, so he asked the usual question: "Is something the matter, Eddy?"

His reply was nothing more than a shrug. "Nothing," Eddy lied. "Guess I'm just tired."

Edd decided to drop the subject for now, seeing that he wasn't in the mood for a heavy conversation. Instead, he simply rested his head on Eddy's shoulder and placed a hand on his chest, trying to feel his heartbeat. Something about the danger of being caught made this more exciting, though he didn't want to admit it. After all, neither of them were ready to confess their secret to the world.

Thoughts like these were running through Edd's mind as well, reminding him that he had already betrayed this silent agreement. He was sure Edd wouldn't be angry if he found out he'd come out to his mother, but Edd wasn't the one he worried about. As the hour approached that he'd go home and see his parents, he wondered if she had told anyone else. She still hadn't spoken to him or even looked him in the eye, and neither had his father, for that matter. It wasn't as if he noticed this kind of thing, but his worries made him hyper-aware as he'd watched them fill out his discharge papers without even glancing through the window to see his living form.

"I know something's wrong," Edd mumbled, though it wasn't meant to garner a response. He simply wanted Eddy to know that he wasn't fooled, just in case another miracle happened and he decided to open up.

After a few moments of silence, Edd sat up and leaned back in the chair. Seeing Eddy's distracted, worried expression prompted him to change the subject. "So, are you looking forward to seeing Matthew?"

Eddy thought this over. It would be nice to see him again; after all, he'd grown up slightly since the last time they'd met. However, the mention of his name only caused more apprehension about his secret. He realized that, of all people, Matthew would surely give him the hardest time about being gay. His parents may ostracize him, but he didn't look up to them like he did his brother. Furthermore, they would never be so bold as to inflict the kind of berating that Matthew would.

"Yeah," he answered simply, though the pause beforehand did not go unnoticed. "Should be cool."

"Am I asking too many questions?"

"No, no, it's fine." As Eddy said this, he realized with a hint of sadness that even if their questions were similar, or the exact same for that matter, he would much rather answer Edd's than his mother's.

Just as Edd was wrapping his fingers around Eddy's hand for comfort, the door banged open.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

**AN**: You hate me, I know. You know what? I hate myself, too. Review plz


	7. Big Bro's House

**AN and DISCLAIMER: ***SIGH* Yeah, I know you all saw this coming. Sorry. Anyway, I'm so grateful for all the reviews this story is getting! It makes me feel special to know it's my story with the biggest chapter-to-review ratio. I hope everyone enjoys the aimless continuation of… DUN DUN DUN DUN… In Over My Ed! Get it? It's a pun. It's like, "in over my head" only I put the word "Ed" in there. Love me. Also, if you noticed the story was updated and still only had 6 chapters a bunch of times today, it's because I kept trying to get this one right. Oops. Anyway, it's here now, so relaaaaaaaaaaax.

Oh yeah, and I don't own the show. And there's yaoi. Moving on…..

**Chapter Seven**

Eddy knew his shame had been the cause of all this complication, but at least this time he and Edd were both on board when they yanked their hands apart to erase suspicion.

Fortunately, Matt didn't seem to have noticed their embarrassment. His face actually held a rare look of concern, though it was hidden behind the casual indifference he always seemed to exude.

"Hey, little brother," he said nonchalantly, leaning in the doorway. "Long time no see."

Eddy wasn't sure how safe to feel just yet; he searched his sibling's face for signs of scheming and knowledge, but didn't see any clue as to what he'd heard from their mother. "Hey, Matt," he breathed, hoping to appear less edgy than he felt.

Edd stood up and made room for the older man, who strode right to Eddy's bedside and fell into the chair. "Man, mom's freakin' out about this," he said, almost to himself. "You shoulda heard her on the phone."

"Sorry," Eddy mumbled.

"Nah, it's all right." Matt let out a breath, then his eyes flicked to Edd. The sudden attention, albeit subtle, made him tense up. "Well, look here," he said with a growing smirk. "Ain't it about time you upgraded from the training bra?"

Edd sighed impatiently, having already prepared himself for these jokes. Now that he really did fit the role of "girlfriend", however, the once harmless teasing had become more meaningful. He had to keep his composure, to look blameless, as Matthew grinned at him with imagined suspicion.

He decided on, "Nice to see you again as well."

"Ahh, come on, I was just messin' with ya!" Matt laughed obnoxiously, lifting himself from the chair just long enough to smack him on the ribcage. "Relax already. You on the rag or what?"

Eddy cleared his throat, trying to regain his brother's attention. He could already see the tension building between Edd and Matthew, even if it was mainly one-sided. Once he'd shown up, Eddy had realized he actually did miss him when he was gone so long from his life. Sometimes he wondered just how far behind Matt had left him and his parents, and seeing him again only seemed to aggravate the already fragile bond between them.

"So," he said. "Did you talk to Mom and Dad?"

Matt seemed to think for a moment before answering. "Kinda. I mean, Mom called me the other night to tell me what happened, but she's been pretty quiet since I got here. I don't know, I guess she's stressed out or something."

"But she didn't, like… say anything to you?"

Matt frowned warily at his tone. "No… why?"

Eddy swallowed. "Just wondering if she told you anything that, you know, maybe you thought was…"

Rather than answering, Matthew sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose. Edd stepped to the other side of the bed and sank into a chair, hoping the familial anger didn't bubble up in either of them. Things were already exhausting enough without another fight.

"Actually," he said slowly. "She did tell me somethin' I don't really like."

Eddy's heart contracted. There were many reasons he didn't want Matt to know about his relationship; one was sitting right beside him. If Edd found out their secret had already escaped, he'd be caught in a lie just at the wrong time, and the jokes against him could become crueler and even more tasteless.

"What was it?" he managed to ask, trying to sound ignorant of the possibility.

"She said you tried to fuckin' kill yourself."

Eddy blinked. Inside, he breathed a sigh of relief; outside, he hung his head in shame. Edd reached out a hand to comfort him, then drew back when he realized how that might look. "You know, over the phone, she just said you were in the hospital and I needed to come home," he continued. "She didn't say what happened, but I fuckin' jumped in the car and bought a fuckin' plane ticket, sat on the fuckin' airplane not knowing if you were alive or dead, then I get here and she tells me you tried to bleed yourself to death."

Suddenly relief was no longer appropriate. Even if he couldn't live up to Eddy's old, fantastical standards, he was still his brother and his hero. It hurt him to know he'd caused the disappointment now clear in his eyes and voice. He tried to keep a hard face and look away, wishing everyone would understand the way Edd did.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I just wasn't thinking. I wasn't thinking about you guys."

Matt's eyes flicked up to Edd once more, this time only for a moment. "Not even your girlfriend over here?"

"This is no time for jokes," Edd snapped. "Now I know you're upset, but Eddy really is sorry and he doesn't need to be reminded of his mistake. He never meant to hurt anyone, isn't that right?" His stern look had now shifted to a timidly nodding Eddy.

Clenching his jaw, Matt looked in his brother's eyes. He may not have stuck around, but he'd practically been a third parent to Eddy as he grew from birth. The notion of secrecy wasn't easily concealed from someone so close to him, and by now the fact he was hiding something had become painfully clear. His hands wrung together on his lap and he fidgeted under the weight of a scrutinizing gaze.

"Hmm." The sound seemed the only appropriate statement as he searched for a comeback. Edd blushed and glanced out the window behind him, wishing they would simply leave and ease the consuming awkwardness.

Matthew sighed and said, "You're just as sassy as I remember."

Edd sneered, though his head was still turned to the glass barrier. He didn't want to expose the blush he could never control, not in front of someone like this. Not only had Matt interrupted their moment, but now he was making fun of both of them. He understood that everyone had their own special way to deal with this situation, but he didn't like Matthew's and to be perfectly honest he didn't like the man period.

"All right, fine," he breathed, holding up his hands as if in defeat. "We'll just move on, how's that sound? I'm sick of all this emo shit anyway."

Eddy gathered the strength to look at him, though it still wasn't easy to face the unfamiliar look of distress. "So… we're going home?"

"Yep. Buddy o' mine's letting me crash at the old place."

Eddy frowned. "Wait, what? You mean you're not staying at our house?"

He shook his head. "Nah, my old stuff's in the whale. I left so fuckin' fast I didn't get to bring anything from Boston."

Again, Eddy was reminded of the trouble he'd caused. Matt had moved from Lemonbrook to Boston just a couple of weeks ago, and now his new life had been interrupted and set back by his little brother's selfishness. "Sorry," he found himself repeating.

"No, no," Matt protested with irritation. "Quit apologizing. I don't really like that place anyway, probably end up stayin' here for a while. Kinda miss the old theme park and stuff, ya know."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. I'm stayin' whether you like it or not, you little fuckface."

Eddy smiled in spite of himself. "So are we going home or not? Gah, let's get out of this damned hospital."

"Yeah, yeah, keep your panties on."

Though neither of them invited him along, Edd found himself following Eddy and Matt out the door once they were ready to leave. He found it extremely odd that their parents had already gone; didn't they want to be there when Eddy was released? He'd seen them earlier, but they'd simply disappeared. He kept his mouth shut, however, as he climbed into the backseat and buckled himself in. The silence told him it wasn't the right time to bring up family issues, no matter how tantalizing the mystery.

Once they'd been on the road for a while, it was Eddy who broke the unnerving hush. "Why are we going this way?"

"You're stayin' with me for a while."

Eddy frowned in confusion and looked back at Edd, who simply shrugged. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Whoa, settle down, little brother! Mom said it'd be good for ya to stay with me tonight, don't fuckin' ask me why. She didn't say shit, so just go along with it."

Edd was about to ask where he fit into all this, but Eddy beat him to it. "What about Double D?"

"He knows the way back."

"What? No, you ass hole, either drive him home or let him stay too."

Edd blushed and hissed nervously, "Eddy, please. It's fine."

"No, it's not fine." Back to Matt. "So she didn't say anything? She didn't say why she didn't want me back home?" Was he the only one who knew the answer?

Matt sighed and glanced at him momentarily. "God, look, she just wants you to stay with me for one night, so would ya chill?"

Eddy paused, then leaned back in his seat. He found his arm throbbing and stinging from the movement, and the rest of his muscles were quite sore as well. "Just one night?" he repeated, this time more calmly.

"Yeah, that's all. I mean I guess she thinks it'll help you feel better or somethin', I'unno."

He chewed his lip in thought, feeling utterly confused about the whole concept. He couldn't tell if his mother was angry at him or not; somehow, it was difficult to say whether his confession had been just a dream in the first place. So if she wasn't sending him away… then why keep him out of the house for just one night?

He hoped she didn't plan on having a "conversation" with his father about the declaration he'd made. The last thing he needed was for this secret to pull more and more people in, ones who most likely wouldn't appreciate it the way he wished. Suddenly, spending the night in a dirty old trailer sounded a lot better than returning home. Already, he wasn't looking forward to facing it the next day.

They pulled onto a back road, finally nearing the trashy neighborhood in which Matt lived. Edd clutched his seatbelt, feeling as if he'd been taken hostage. Outside the car, trees whipped by in a continuous green blur. The birds, tires, and asphalt made the only conversation.

The car finally slowed to a stop behind a tacky whale-shaped trailer. An empty clothesline swung lazily in the humid breeze; not a soul was in sight.

"So is this place abandoned, or what?" Eddy asked, slamming the door shut. Edd was too polite to ask the same thing, though he wondered it.

"Nah," Matt answered. "The place just don't open this early on weekdays is all."

"Oh." He took the opportunity to look around, remembering the first time he'd come here. All this time, all the time when Eddy was a child, Matt had only lived a couple hours' drive from their home. Now that he'd managed to escape the state altogether, here he was again. The air smelled of stale fried food and farm animals. Distantly, loose metal creaked and yawned in the wind.

Edd walked up behind him, feet crunching in the gravel. "Eddy, what's going on?" he whispered. "Do you have any idea why we're here?"

"I already told you, it's nothing," he lied. "Come on, Matt'll let you stay here tonight. We'll sneak in bed together once he falls asleep, okay?"

Edd smiled, then leaned his head against Eddy's shoulder, for lack of a better way to express his fondness without notice. Though Matt had already gone inside with Eddy's things, they didn't want to take any chances. Getting caught would certainly exacerbate things, since they'd be stuck here listening to his jeers all night.

"You girls gonna come inside or not?" he called, unaware of his joke's significance. The couple immediately broke off in different directions, Edd adjusting all the seatbelts before closing the car doors to appear busy. With a quick glance around, he took a breath and followed Eddy through the back door.

The trailer didn't smell much better than the air outside; in fact, it smelled as if a skunk had sprayed every inch of the place. Edd grimaced, but followed close behind Eddy and reminded himself that they'd have some quality time tonight.

"Looks like Dio's not here," Matt called from another room. "He's a friend of mine, renting the place right now… so if you see a dirty-lookin' guy crawl in through a window tonight, don't worry, it's just him."

"Smells like pot in here," Eddy whispered.

Matt materialized in the hall doorway, thrusting a pile of blankets at Edd. "You can crash on the couch," he said. "Eddy, your shit's in the spare room."

Edd thanked him in a mumble, tossing the blankets onto a short, scratchy-looking sofa underneath the window. "Someone been smoking pot in here?" Eddy asked.

Taking in a breath, Matt said, "Yeah, I guess that'd be Dio. Don't worry about him, though, he's cool. I'll make sure he doesn't have any orgies or anything while you guys're here." With a smirk, he turned back to Edd. "I mean, unless your girlfriend's into that sort of thing."

Not waiting for either of them to speak up, he said, "Well, I'm going into town for some food and stuff. All Dio has is a buncha ketchup 'n fuckin' olives. Be back in a couple hours."

Eddy and Edd had to contain their relief as he shoved out the door and around back. At the sound of the car's engine, they both sighed and headed to the bedroom.

"Why is he such a… _jerk _all the time?" Edd seethed. "I don't know how you put up with it."

Eddy fell onto the bed with a groan. "I'm so tired," he said, voice muffled by the cold sheets.

Though he'd love nothing less than to keep complaining, Edd knew it was a pointless conversation. They were here, and they had nowhere else to go, and that was that.

He walked softly toward the bed and lowered himself beside Eddy, rubbing his back. "You feeling okay?" he asked.

Sighing, Eddy rested his head on his arms and said, "I guess. This place always reminds me of when we were kids, ya know?"

Edd smiled, leaning over and resting his cheek on Eddy's soft back. "Mmmmm. I guess your brother was right about the whole 'girlfriend' thing after all."

To his surprise, Eddy reacted angrily, turning himself over and sitting up in a huff. "That's not funny," he snapped. "He's really pissing me off with all that 'girlfriend' shit. He always has; I mean, it's like every since he met you he's been torturing me about my feelings, like it wasn't hard enough in the first place!"

Edd blinked. "Well, he doesn't know any better. He doesn't know about us… right?" When he didn't get an answer – and when he realized who he was standing up for – he changed the subject slightly. "I guess you've been fighting this for a while now."

"Yeah," Eddy said, still angry but calming with the touch on his hand. "Ever since we were kids. I never knew how to tell you, though; I mean, if I'd just known you liked me back..."

Brushing his hair back, Edd said, "It's okay. Don't dwell on the past."

"If I'd just known we'd be together someday, I... I just can't believe you liked me back all along, and I still lied. I feel like an idiot sometimes. I never should have hid my feelings for so long, and… I'm sorry."

"Eddy, you weren't the only one hiding, so stop being so hard on yourself. The important thing is that we're together now, and we always will be."

He smiled when Eddy turned to look his way. "Always," he repeated, hoping he'd get the message and lighten up. They hugged gently, Eddy closing his eyes against the warmth his boyfriend radiated. He took in a deep breath and smelled detergent and fabric instead of the stale smoke around them. "I love you," Edd said quietly, still in an attempt to make Eddy feel better. He didn't understand why he seemed so negative, though he suspected it had something to do with his parents. It took a lot not to mention them next.

"I love you too," Eddy mumbled, blushing furiously. He still wasn't used to saying it, and probably wouldn't be for a while. Many times before, he'd thought it while looking in Edd's eyes and clamped his mouth shut to keep from vocalizing it. He wished he could enjoy this new freedom instead of worrying about its consequences, because it truly did feel good to say those words aloud.

Eddy pushed a bag of his clothes off the bed and pulled Edd on top of him for a slow, deep kiss. Edd drew his arms up to Eddy's head, stroking his thick, soft hair as their lips moved together tenderly. The fear of being caught was swallowed up by the moment, but still lingered in the air; they found themselves pausing at the slightest of sounds, then kissing each other's faces to calm the new tension until it floated away.

_Slurp. _A sigh made its way out of Edd's mouth and rang in their ears to replace the silence. _Rustle_. Eddy broke away only to press his lips against Edd's jawline slowly. The sun fell across them in an obnoxiously bright square, dust swirling within the cut of vivid light. Edd moaned and nuzzled his head against Eddy's neck, feeling his heart race faster with each passing second.

"I love you," he repeated, pushing his lips against the warm flesh before him.

"Me too."

The sound of a car door separated them immediately and they became stock still, listening for the sound of footsteps. Even when they didn't come, neither moved a muscle.

Wide-eyed, Edd asked, "Is he back?"

"I don't know."

When their statue-like attention was met with silence, the pair finally relaxed once again. "It's kind of exciting," Edd mused before he could stop himself. "The prospect that we could get caught at any moment."

Eddy didn't return the sentiment or the coy smile. He simply hummed a terse reply and stared up at the ceiling as Edd rolled off of him and took to lounging by his side. "Is something the matter?"

Eddy glanced up at his worried eyes. "I don't know. It's like… what are we doing? We're finally honest with each other and now we can't be honest with anyone else. We're sneaking around, freaking out at every little noise… I just wish it was easier."

Edd's answer was simple but strong. "Well, it isn't."

Clutching his hand, Eddy continued to stare at the stained ceiling and ponder. He was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of emptiness, simply because he wanted so badly to tell Edd what had happened with his mother. He'd find out eventually, especially if things went as he feared the next day.

"Everything's all right," Edd whispered, rubbing Eddy's arms as he listened to his heartbeat. "I'm here. I'm right here."

Eddy reached up a hand and stroked the soft face that rested on his chest. Instead of mentioning what ate at him, he said, "I'm gonna call Ed and tell him where we are. He's probably waiting for me to get back or something."

Edd lifted himself up. "Are we going to tell him about this?"

There was a short pause. "Yeah, yeah. We'll tell him when we're ready." He pushed himself off the bed and left Edd behind to wonder what was making his boyfriend act so strangely, just when things had begun to make sense.

The day seemed to go by quickly once Edd started cleaning. He impulsively scrubbed the surfaces and windows, growling at the sad state of the trailer. Eddy and his brother made small talk and avoided eye contact, only making Eddy's need for confession clearer.

"So Mom didn't say _anything_ weird to you when you got here?" he had implored several times. Matt grew tired of the question, more and more leery as his brother asked it.

"Is there something you're not telling me?"

Edd paused as he dusted behind an easy chair, waiting for an answer. He wanted to know the exact same thing.

"Nah."

That night, Edd was without a toothbrush, his nightclothes, and even a _change_ of clothes, but didn't seem to mind. He felt excited and secretive as he bundled up in the borrowed blankets, waiting until Matthew had disappeared before tiptoeing into Eddy's room and crawling beneath the covers.

Eddy turned onto his side and reached out his arms, into which Edd immediately burrowed himself. "I know you're hiding something," he whispered. "I promise I won't be mad if you tell me."

"It's nothing," Eddy lied, grateful that the darkness hid how obvious it was on his face. "I still feel pretty guilty about what I did, you know."

"It's all right. We all make mistakes."

"I really never meant to hurt you. I didn't know what I was doing, I wasn't even-"

Edd stopped him with a finger to the lips and whispered, "Shhhhh, go to sleep."

Suddenly, the time felt right. Eddy squeezed Edd's shoulder and muttered, "I have to tell you something."

"What is it?"

"It's my mom… she knows I'm gay."

Edd was silent for a few seconds. "W-what?"

"I'm sorry, man. I don't know why, I just… it was before you got there, and I didn't think she'd be upset…"

Instead of becoming angry like Eddy had feared, his boyfriend clicked his tongue in sympathy and kissed him, whispering, "Oh, my poor baby. Did she get mad at you?"

Tears lines his eyes as he said, "I don't know. She wouldn't talk to me. She hasn't talked to me at all since I told her. I-I tried to tell you before, but… I mean, she doesn't know about you, just me."

"It's all right. I'm not angry. I love you."

"What are we gonna do?"

"Go to sleep."

With those three words, he knew the conversation was over, and shut his eyes to wait for the next dreaded day. Before he could fall asleep, he snuggled close to Edd and kissed his forehead softly, wishing the words would come easily instead of rolling inside him, stuck behind his fear of another fight. The walls wouldn't seem to stop creaking, and some sort of artificial light was spilling in between the blinds. The only thing that calmed his nerves was the warm rhythm of Edd's heart, his placid breaths, and the tender, soft curve of his arm as it rested lazily across his waist. He soon found himself lulled to exhaustion by Edd's peaceful state.

"Rise and shine, little brother!"

Eddy jolted up in bed as soon as the door burst open to reveal Matt and his trademark smirk. He realized after a short bout of terror that Edd was not still beside him, though this didn't stop his brother from poking fun at him about the very subject.

"You havin' dreams about your girlfriend or what?" he laughed. When Eddy realized what he was referring to, he quickly covered his crotch with a pillow and blushed heatedly.

Matt shook his head, still snickering. "Man, you're pathetic. Come on, breakfast is on the table – oh, and speakin' of the pussy, let her know I'm takin' you guys home in a little while."

As soon as the door clicked shut, Eddy scoffed and rubbed the back of his neck, wishing Matt would grow up and lay off the gay jokes. He probably didn't know they hit close to home – he couldn't imagine how much meaner and more frequent the teasing would be if he did know.

Just as he was wondering where Edd had disappeared to, a bang came from under the bed and startled him. "What the f…"

He leaned over to see Edd crawling out, wincing and holding his head. "Ow… ugh… did he just call me a…" He stopped, blushing furiously instead of repeating the word.

Relief washed over Eddy's face as he pulled Edd to his feet and kicked off the covers. "Man, Sockhead, I thought he was gonna see us for sure."

Edd exhaled noisily, brushing lint and dust from his shirt. "So did I. When I heard him coming, I didn't know what else to do, so I crawled underneath the bed." He let out a laugh at the situation, still picking filth off of his clothing. "Oh, it's disgusting under there…"

Eddy jumped off the bed and cracked the door open briefly. "Coast is clear," he said. "Come on, let's get something to eat. I'm starving."

Edd followed him through the hall, wishing they'd taken advantage of their earlier solitude and kissed, even if it was chaste. Seemed like there was always something interrupting them, something holding them back from what they really wanted.

The smell of grease, overcooked eggs and bacon thickened the air in the small kitchen. Edd and Eddy squeezed into the table and inspected their food before taking tentative bites. Neither had really eaten the day before; somehow food had seemed unimportant compared to their individual distractions. While Matt's back was turned, Edd gently rubbed Eddy's sore arm when he began wincing from the movements.

"So," the man said loudly, plopping into a chair opposite them. "Here's the deal: I gotta get you guys home as soon as possible so I can kick Dio's ass for leaving the park like it is. Get your shit together and we'll get out of here."

They both nodded, eager to go back home and hopefully find a private spot.

Matt took a handful of bacon from the plate and set it on the bare table, resting his chin on his hand as he ate. After a good night's sleep, all three of them had come to the same conclusion: it's best not to discuss the elephant in the room. They ate in silence, wishing time would move more quickly. Whether speaking or not, an unmistakable tension had manifested itself between them all. Eddy and Edd kept exchanging knowing glances; both of them were apprehensive about going back to Peach Creek, whether either one, two, or many knew what they were hiding.

Wordlessly, they gathered up Eddy's things and walked out the back door. The same old teal Subaru was waiting for them, this time with different connotations. While Matt locked the back door, Edd squeezed his love's hand and whispered, "Don't worry."

The drive home began silently. The loud ignition faded into white noise as they pulled from the gravel onto the asphalt and drove between looming forest on either side. Knowing what had caused Eddy's strange behavior the day before did not have the calming effect Edd had wished; suddenly he pined for yesterday's ignorance, yesterday's wait. Yesterday's kiss.

After about twenty minutes, it was Matthew who broke the unnerving hush. "So what's going on between you two anyway?"

Eddy's heart jumped as he snapped, "What? What are you talking about?"

"I don't know, maybe I'm crazy. I mean, your girlfriend back there, I'm sure of, but you? I don't know what to think about it, little bro."

"Matt, shut the fuck up! You don't know what you're talking about."

"You know, flippin' out like this is just making you more obvious."

Eddy growled in frustration, pressing his hands to his forehead and willing the conversation to stop.

"Did you two have a nice night together?"

"You know what, Matt? I don't even give a crap what you think. I know no matter what I say, this is what you'll think, so fine. Maybe we're a couple of homo freaks, just like you always say. Does that make you happy? Are you satisfied?"

Edd clutched the back of his chair, nervous but not completely surprised at what Eddy had said.

Matt sighed and glared ahead at the road. "I don't know. I don't know if you're serious."

"So what if I am? Seems like you've been used to it long enough, you ass hole."

"Eddy, what the fuck? You know, I was messing with you guys at first, but now I seriously want to know if there's something going on. I'm not fuckin' blind, a'right? And I'm not retarded either."

"Yeah, okay? I'm gay, are you happy now?"

Silence. Matt chewed his lips as he drove, passing cars on the interstate as if getting them home was suddenly a race. "You know, I'm just tryin' to look out for you."

"By fucking with me all my life? God, you know what? Just stop. Stop trying to look out for me if that's what you think it means. I don't need you to babysit me anymore, for fuck's sake, I'm sixteen!"

Edd sighed, covering his face. He could see now the similarities in Eddy's and Matt's attitudes. Neither seemed capable of saying what they truly felt, of showing any emotion besides anger.

"If you say so," Matt finally mumbled. "Just… just take this one piece of advice, though."

Eddy groaned and pressed his forehead against the window.

"Don't tell Mom and Dad. That's all."

He frowned and looked Matt's way, stomach already churning. "What?"

"Look, I- all those jokes 'n stuff, they didn't mean anything. If you wanna be a little fag, be my guest, just don't make a big spectacle out of it until you're financially independent."

"Dude, what are you talking about?"

"How can I make myself clearer?" Matt snapped, glancing at his brother momentarily before glowering at the road once again. "Just keep your Goddamn mouth SHUT, that's all I'm saying!"

Naturally, the warning was futile. Eddy had already opened his mouth, and now he felt even more wary about it. Hearing the seriousness in Matthew's voice left them both unsettled, and Eddy turned to see Edd with the same helpless expression he imagined on himself.

The cul-de-sac came into view and they pulled slowly onto the quiet street. Matt and Eddy were blushing furiously, even as the conversation wafted away. The car came to a stop, turned off to be met with stifling silence. The clean, ordinary house was like an omen as the boys exited the vehicle, Eddy catching the bag of clothes Matt unceremoniously tossed out the window.

Without a word, he screeched away and out of sight. Edd leaned forward to kiss Eddy's cheek, then remembered where they were and stepped away.

"Just go home," Eddy whispered. His voice sounded hollow against the stillness around them.

"But what about-"

Eddy pushed a hand against his shoulder and turned him around, grunting at the soreness in his limb. "It's fine. I'll call you later."

"Come be with me if anything happens," he said over his shoulder. "Please. You know you always have me. Just don't... just come see me, okay?"

"Yeah, I will." He smiled, trying to convince himself it'd be easy to leave tonight and find a safe haven down the street. No matter what his options, however, nothing seemed to quell the fear within him. Edd's smile was just as nervous, just as brief. 'It's okay,' he mouthed.

Eddy turned and dragged his feet across the driveway, then opened the unlocked front door. He didn't turn around, but knew Edd was still standing there, wringing his hands, looking beautiful. He closed the door and swam through thick, unwelcoming air into the living room, where his mother was calling his name.

Already, by the tone of her voice, he knew all those thing he'd said in the car were wrong. He knew _she_ was the one he should have lied to, not Matt.


End file.
